Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Ferris Bueller All Grown Up


7:00 AM Phone rings
Ferris- Hey, Cameron whats up?

Cameron- I just got up. I am about to get ready for work. Why you calling so early?

Ferris- You want to take the day off? It will be so much fun. I have an elaborate scheme to get us out of work and then we can have a day of funny misadventures.

Cameron- Dude we have a huge presentation today. This could make or break our careers.

Ferris- If anyone needs a day off, it's Cameron. He has a lot of things to sort out before he gets promoted. Can't be wound up that tight and get promoted, his new boss would kill him.

Cameron- Ferris, stop doing that monologue thing you do. I can hear you. Also, you can't afford to miss another of work. You have missed 8 days this month.

Ferris- It's cool I will just use my computer to hack into the system and change that.

Cameron- Dude your computer is like 20 years old. And they have firewalls and stuff like that at work. There is no way you can hack it. Plus, they know you are not physically there, you work down the door from the boss.

Ferris- Then I will give them an excuse. I will say my mom is in the hospital. The key to faking out our boss is giving him a nonspecific problem. I am a big believer in saying a family member is in the hospital.

Cameron- That's messed up, man. What would we even do if we took the day off?

Ferris- The question isn't "what are we going to do," the question is "what aren't we going to do?"

Cameron- That didn't answer my question.

Ferris- Pardon my French, but Cameron is so tight that if you stuck a lump of coal up his ass, in two weeks you'd have a diamond.

Cameron- Damnit, stop that. I can hear you when you monologue! You are probably looking at some imaginary camera too. Something is seriously wrong with you. Just answer me: what are we going to do today?

Ferris- Alright, we would go into the city, eat at a nice restaurant, see a museum, and steal a car.

Cameron- Steal a car!? What the hell? That is a serious crime. What else are you going to do today, snort cocaine?

Ferris- Yeah that would be cool if you wanted to.

Cameron- Dude this isn't high school anymore, you can't just miss work and steal cars and get away with it.

Ferris- I killed a hobo last week and no one found out. There are no consequences to my actions. *Laughs maniacally*

Cameron- Ummm... I am going to go call in sick so we can hang out.

Ferris- Awesome! I say we get in a bar fight. I have always wanted to stab someone with a beer bottle. That would really make me feel like I am alive! *Hangs up*

Cameron- *Calls the police* Dear God, please help me.


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